On Loss & Heartbreak...

2011: a year of tears

Barely a year after the loss of my lil bro, Jojo, I experienced my first heartbreak.

I lost two important individuals in my life, thus, leaving my heart in shatters.

Reality bites.

I felt all the sadness, anger, bitterness, hurt and pain from the moment I wake up in the morning until the time I am about to sleep at night; every second of every day. (And I am not even exaggerating.) It finally leads to depression and I even started contemplating of ending my existence, the darkest point of my life.

I thought I would never be happy again. Now, I am thankful that I was wrong.

I know I am not the only person who’s in the same shoes as I was. In fact, even some of my friends encountered (or are encountering) this kind of dilemma. And if you find yourself in this situation, always remember, “Hindi ka nag-iisa.” (You are not alone).

So, how does one recover from loss and heartbreak?

Allow me to share some of my realizations and learning I gained from this experience.

• God’s omnipresence

I am the type of person who shows no weakness or sorrow. I rarely share my problems and seldom ask for help. But with the burden I was carrying, I know I cannot survive through it alone.

Every time I felt scared and hopeless, I pray to Him. It was only through attending masses and visiting the church that my mind and heart were kept calm and at ease.

During the retreat I attended at Tagaytay, I realized that it is only Him that is constant in my life and everyone else I will lose in one way or another.

This may sound cliché, but it was only with the Lord that I seek refuge. He gave me hope and strength in my time of need.

• Back to square one

Every time I decide to let go of my feelings towards the guy, I end up finding myself communicating with him and being with him. There’s this constant hope that everything would go back to the way it was between us. But, sadly it will never be. Then I’d go back to being miserable and hopeless again.

Trust me, I know that it is indeed very difficult to let go of the one you truly love. And I expect that there will be several attempts (three times for me) to bring things back to normal.

However, you must come to a point where you have to decide that these attempts must be put to an end and be firm with your decision.

This is a phase that everyone will go through (no exception) and it is only a question of time of when will you stop.

• Never lose hope!

Find your support system. They can be your family and/or friends. Pour your heart out to them and ask for comfort, advice and guidance. Surely you will find yourself smiling and laughing even for a little while and they will lighten your emotional burden. And whatever it is that you are going through, you will be able to surpass through their help.

Live your passion in life. Do the things you love and those that make you happy! Your world does not revolve on one person alone. Spend time with your family, hangout with your friends, watch movies, listen to music, visit places, read books, write stories, play games, learn new things, and I could go on forever listing all the wonderful things this world has to offer.

Little by little, without you noticing it, you will be able to appreciate the value of your human existence.

• Acceptance

The day I told him that I was not OK was also the day I started feeling better.

• Lastly, let go and move on.

As I would say it, let go and let God. :)

Free yourself of the “what ifs” and the “what would have been” and instead “LIVE WELL. LOVE MUCH. TRAVEL OFTEN.”

(It must be noted that I was going through this emotional breakdown during my Bar review and exam! Just imagine how I survived. Hence, know and believe that one can fully overcome loss and heartbreak even if it’s the first time.)